Source: PinterestThere was absolutely no reason for me to be doing what I am doing at this moment of my life. When I was a child, everything but being a musician made sense in my head as to what I would do when I grew up. I started taking piano lessons at the young age of 6 years, but was too afraid of the teacher to continue. That turned me against playing an instrument for at least ten years. I always admired my musician friends, but never really aspired to be one.
At high school, the big topic from the beginning was always “What are you going to study?”. Because, clearly, that was the next academic step we would take. I had no doubts whatsoever. I’ve always said that I was going to become a vet as a consequence of my huge love for animals and the urge to care for them. When analyzing it closely, however, I concluded I was totally going to faint if I had to perform surgery on an animal, or would be too sad to let one of my patients die in my hands. Perfect, I now had less than a year to decide and had just dumped what I thought would be my ideal career. So I had to look for an alternative. I drew a lot in middle school. Some people told me I was very good at it, but I honestly didn’t feel it was enough. Not for pursuing an entire career, at least. Although I really did like drawing, the kind of art that completely took my heart was about to show itself.
Just then I had started attending music classes, with violin as my instrument. Instantly I fell in love with everything that was music related and became obsessed with spending my free time listening to orchestras and violin soloists. I had just discovered a brand new world and felt, in some way, that I belonged to it. Time completely flew away when I was in what is now my university, and made me always wonder how it would be if I were a student. That sort of installed the idea in my mind for the very first time. It scared me a lot, I must say, and it did because of what people would think. At the time, my parents liked the idea of me playing the violin, but I didn’t know what their reaction would be to me making a living out of it. So I started to investigate deeply what was it that I could do if I went on with music. What do musicians do? How do they live? How do they earn enough money to stay afloat?
So, after my research, I found out that the answers were really logical, simple and that I was misjudging musicians as if all of their work was nonsense, just like my fellow family members did with me when hearing the news. I don’t really blame them; when you know nothing about the topic or simply choose not to, ignorance can be blinding.
Soon enough, high school was coming to an end for me in the middle of a pandemic and my mind was set. I remember asking my music teachers at that time for their opinion, and they decided to have a Zoom meeting with me to make sure that I knew what I was getting myself into. That took me by surprise; my doubt grew bigger momentarily. Was I really made for this? Was this worthy of living? Am I going to dedicate my life to this? Would I fail? I was just a beginner, after all, and I was already 16. That was another problem that would chase me later, but I chose to put my heart before my brain and start my journey.
Apart from everything against me, I chose to continue. I faced teachers that were stubborn, with an old mindset and methods that didn’t work with me. They kept reminding me I was late to start with music, and almost assured me I would fail in the future. That kept going until the third semester, when I couldn’t cope with that type of judgment anymore. I felt that my passion had completely vanished before my eyes and I was blinded with anger and frustration with myself. I kept asking, “Why did I decide this? It doesn’t make sense, I’m not good enough, I’ll never achieve the level that some of my classmates had”. I was seriously thinking about changing my career, that strong connection was almost completely lost.
Next semester began and with it came along new teachers, new assignments. When I least expected it, when I was about to give up, I had a new opportunity. That really changed everything in my environment on top of us students coming back to the classrooms after two years. I decided to take a chance and start putting all my energy to it. To study even if I wasn’t motivated, always focusing on giving that extra effort. Suddenly everything adjusted to me almost automatically, I belonged there again, the feeling was restored in my life. I discovered that I really could play and could do it beautifully, I just needed the right method, discipline, and of course, a little more faith in myself. I was in the right place but in all the wrong circumstances. I always belonged there and always will. That love for music moves me, lives in my veins and is there every day of my life.
Luckily, my mind is now set, just as it was when I began my path. And I encourage whoever is in a difficult moment and thinking about giving up to remember what was in your heart when you first started, in your mind when it was filled with excitement; and what took you there. Remember it and keep it with you. It will always motivate you to follow your journey with joy. Mine is not soon to end, but I do see my future with the same glowing eyes as I saw it almost 3 years ago.
Finally, I want to share a quote from my favorite composer, P.I. Tchaikovsky:
“Where the heart does not enter, there can be no music.”